eh.

I think it's obvious that I haven't been sharing here as much lately. That's sort of just how I am. It ebbs and flows, comes and goes. I may have a million things to talk and share about, but it never seems to come out the way I intend.

I've been trying to keep busy the past few days. I've been restless. Every now and then I get that way. Tired of staying at home with the kids, wanting to do more with my life, but not wanting to sacrifice my ability to be here for my children for self-serving reasons. I worked once. I had a job at a department store for a little over a year. I quit working there when Dylan got sick, so I could stay home and take care of him.. my role as a mother changed alot after that. I was no longer just here to watch over them and steer them in the right direction, I was also googling the mess out of everything, trying to find ways to get my boy better and how to prevent it from happening again. That's when my approach to a more non-toxic, natural lifestyle came about. I am thankful that things went the way they did in that respect, but sometimes I wish I had someplace to be everyday, even though I know that deep down in my heart, the only place I wanna be is here.

It makes my heart sink down into my stomach to think of putting Jude in daycare and the older boys in an afterschool program so that I can go to work.

"I've seen the village, and I don't want it raising my kids." - some awesome quote I read on Pinterest.

Staying home can be lonely, though. I am an introvert. I balk at the thought of leaving the house for no good reason, and sometimes for good reasons. I feel much better going out when I'm not by myself. I can find myself having spent 3-4 days straight not leaving the house.. I don't like the way I feel when that happens.

By keeping myself busy, I have been tending to things when they need tending to. Washing the dishes when the sink is full or after cooking, doing laundry when a load forms, cleaning the bathroom every day, vaccuming, sweeping, playing outside... all the things that I might put off for later and then my housework load is so heavy that I'm drowning in it. I'm not the greatest house keeper. It's a struggle for me to keep things clean the way other so effortlessly do. It's something I am constantly reminding myself of. Turns out, when I do this... I'm actually tired at night. Ready to go to bed at a decent time!

It's exhausting though. To go from dishes to folding laundry to cleaning up a spill to averting the next crisis that Jude develops to making lunch... I might never sit down. I might never turn on the Weather Channel. I know there is a balance, but balance isn't my strong suit.

This weekend I am going to my grandmother's house to celebrate my mom's birthday!!! and to my cousins baby shower. I am not taking my children!

I'll probably come back completely recharged. A weekend of adult conversations!!

So, who knows. Maybe the blog will get interesting again?

Let's hope so.

Images

I have A Fine Frenzy's Almost Lover in my head, so I titled this post images... because that's really all I've got.

I wanted to write about several things this week, but they all failed.

Like these apples that were going bad- I found a recipe for fruit leather and gave it a whirl.


Notice I don't have a finished product... or an after picture. P.S you can't always substitute with honey.

And this is a lovely crisp batch of Kale. I made Kale chips.


Jaxon wouldn't even eat them. Stick to potato chips, ya'll.

I did manage to make some pink lemonade cupcakes.

They were awesome.

I painted some jar lids with chalkboard paint. That way I can keep up with what's in them when I use them for food storage. I got that idea from pinterest, where somebody did that with baby food jars for their spices. But my spices come in plastic bottles with shaker lids. And I like it that way.



That hummus was delicious!! if I hadn't have written hummus on the jars lid, my husband might think I am hoarding vomit in the fridge. It looks pretty disgusting, but tastes so gooooood.

That was about the only thing that turned out ok this week.

Friday night was pretty awesome. We made a fire, and sat around and enjoyed each other's company. Kids love fires.



The moon was so beautiful peeking out from behind the clouds. It was so bright out because of it.

Got my hoop out and gave it a whirl. I enjoyed myself so much. If the neighbors had seen us, who knows what they would've thought. Backyard campfires, kids running amuck, a crazy hoop lady...


Kuh-razy!!!

Week 8 of the challenge.

I've got supper on, so I thought I'd take a minute to blog about week 8 in the FreePlayLife challenge.

This week we're focusing on not being sorry. Or not saying sorry for every single thing. You certainly don't have to apologize for everything that you do that somebody else may not like. I don't really relate to this so much because I am not an over apologizer. I mean, there are times where I apologize just because I feel like it would make the situation better, or ease tension, or maybe prevent a loved ones feelings from being too trampled. I know some people that are just so afraid they'll offend someone that they just apologize for everything. I can't imagine being like that.

The only place in my life really, that I could apply "don't say you're sorry" to is with my kids. And this is something that I have been working towards for a while now.

Whenever a sizeable group of children are playing together, if one of them gets hurt at the hand of another, that child's parent makes them say they are sorry. Once that "sorry" is uttered and usually demanded to be done in a respectful manner, the offended child and parent instantly relax (some) and then we can carry on with playground business as usual. But was that child really sorry? In most cases, I would say no. If someone apologizes to you because they were made to, why does that make it all better? I know, I know, some of you are going to say that it's teaching the child to be responsible for his/her behavior and be polite. It's a social custom, yada yada...

But that doesn't mean that a child should be forced to say sorry. If my kids are fighting and they are angry at each other, I know that making them say sorry is just a candy coating. No truce was called and there will be payback. I feel like it is only when I allow my children to be apart for enough time that they calm down and then we address the fuss, that they can calmly talk it out and we can provide insight for them. But they are probably even then not sorry for getting violent with each other, because at the time, that's what they felt like was needed.

Alot of the time, "im sorry" just seem so generic. If me and my husband have a tiff, if I feel the need to make amends, saying things like "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings when I said that and I shouldn't have acted in anger..." means more than "I'm sorry I yelled at you." Even though I am sorry that I did, sorry is just so overused now, you just have to dig deep to find the words to really connect.

So when my kids behavior is less than stellar towards each other and sometimes other kids, I usually do the whole.. "so and so, we don't treat other people that way. Do you need to be separated from everyone else until you can behave appropriately?" and then I might address the offended child and say "are you ok?" to let them know that I am aware that they may have gotten their feelings or body hurt.

I do understand that not everybody is going to feel this way. But it's how I am applying week 8 to my life. Stop being sorry, start being real!

Try, try again.

We took Dylan back to his doctor yesterday. Dylan was taken off of Tenex. Tenex was not our friend. About 2 and 1/2 weeks in, it got ugly.

We got there, with all 3 wildboys in tow. Dylan did not bark the whole time this time, he was too distracted by his brothers to avoid the doctors. They ask him random questions that they have already asked me, to see if our answers are the same or not. They asked Dylan if he'd been taking his medicine every day and he told them no. Which they luckily shrugged off, because I have been giving him that retched medicine every day.

At the first visit, there was a scary conversation that went something like this:
(keep in mind Dylan often answers questions in whatever way he feels will get you to shutup faster)

Doc: "Dylan, has anyone ever touched you inappropriately?"
Dylan: "YES!" (angrily/impatiently)
Doc: "Dylan has anyone ever touched your Pee Pee?"
Dylan: (looking up from his toy with a boyish grin) "No! hahahahah"
everyone in the room: *sigh haha *sigh

They ask that stuff because they have to know, but still, Dylan would answer like that! Perfect time to not pay attention, son!

So we told the doctor about the horrible symptoms he's having on the old med and he suggested a new one instead.

Ritalin.

*sigh

I was nervous. I'm still nervous. The doctor told me, that if the ritalin did not work, we would know right away because he would be irritable like the Hulk. Kids that don't have attention issues get irritable when they take adhd meds. The very.last.thing I want is something to make Dylan more irritable. So I told that doctor "look, I used to take that stuff recreationally. I know that irritability and I don't want to set him up for that". He basically told me that his goal with it is to get Dylan's mind to focus and calm so that the little distractions that are getting him so worked up aren't really there for him anymore. Dylan has lost all interest in his school work, and he hopes it will help with that too. He did tell me that Ritalin doesn't have to build up in his system to know if it works, it either will work or it won't.

So this morning I gave him his Ritalin and braced myself. Dylan sat on the couch at my grandmother's house and played with his LeapPad all morning until it was time to leave. Then he played it in the van. Then we got home and he had probably a half hour conversation with me about trains. He thinks he is riding a train tomorrow. I don't know why.

How many times has he yelled at Jude today? once or twice. Hayden made him cry once, by telling him he wasn't invited to a hypothetical situation he had invented, which is not out of the ordinary, but happens more than once a day usually. So I can tell there are improvements. I won't say I'm sold on it, though. Not until he goes to school on it for a while.

I am uncomfortable with my child being on Ritalin. But say if he were on Lithium I wouldn't be. That's because Lithium is a mood stabilizer, and he has mood swings, so that fits. But Dylan doesn't have ADHD or ADD, so him taking Ritalin is strange.

But whatever works is the way I should look at it, and hopefully I'll get to that point.

Six.

Today, my blonde headed boy turns six years old! Well, not until 5:02 pm.

I cannot believe this child is six years old now.

Anytime we talk about doing things for Hayden, no matter how big or small, I regard it in a manner that you would if it were someone that had saved your pet from a fire. Paid your car note when times were tough, or watched your kids when you were sick. Whatever it is, however big or small, he deserves it.

That's because Hayden has been everything for us, since the beginning. When Dylan was showing developmental delays, Hayden was there to show us the difference in that. THey are 17 months apart, so I consider them twins. They've always done everything together. If Dylan does something wrong, Hayden is there to show him the right way. Dylan is the crooked curve, Hayden is the straight and narrow.

He helps so much around here. He helps Dylan with life and he plays with Jude so well. He's a best friend for sure. He'd do anything for anybody. He'll give your kid his favorite toy, if it'll make him happy. (just don't ask him to get you a q-tip, he's tired of doing that)

We had his birthday party yesterday. It was a nice sunny 70 degrees. A perfect day for a jumper!!!



It was our first time having one at a birthday party, and now I think we have to do it 3 times a year. It was so much fun!


We had the party outdoors, and that was such a good decision. It's so nice out to be inside.






Great friends, great food.

We put that loveseat in front of the jumper so the kids could get in and out safely. We had a folding chair there at first, and Hayden showed us that was not going to work by falling out of the jumper onto the folding chair. It was like something out of Wrestlemania. But even with the loveseat there, he managed to injure his self getting out. The more the kids jumped, the farther away it would move from the loveseat!


alot of scenes like this.










He got a lot of presents! Everybody was so generous.

Thank you all for coming! Sorry there weren't more pictures, we were very much "in the moment".

Happy Birthday Hayden!